Cherish-Treasures-Hope-Love

2008-01-28T19:38:00.001+08:00

Hello Everyone! It has been a long time since I last blog! Anyways just to inform your that I will be changing my blog as I really think I need new resolutions for the year! :) And I promise to update more so that friends that I don't meet up often can check out what is happening in my life! Also, important thing is that I'm turning 21 this year! Which explains why I'm already cracking my brain on who to invite! Haha! Anyway..yup. Wait up for more posts! :)

2007-11-28T02:31:00.000+08:00

I'm dead.
Don't know what pain is like.
I see no light.
Blinded.
All I wanted,
comes right down to you.

2007-11-27T20:36:00.001+08:00

I'm back at school!
Thats not the main purpose of me blogging.
Well, friends was always the most important to me.
And it will never change.

I know your two effort
Appreciates
But I guess we are just not fated

Hesitation
What is still holding me back
I wonder too

From a distance
I watch
The familiar back view
So near yet so far

2007-11-15T23:10:00.001+08:00

I know you need someone there for you.
I know you need someone there to listen to you.
I know you just need a listening ear.
Cos that was what I always did.

For me, I'm still struggling with the past.
So difficult to get over it.
Easier said than done.
I still wish I'm the one there for you.

Cheer up.
For nothing is too difficult to solve.
There is always a solution.
Don't give up.
:)

2007-11-14T00:04:00.001+08:00

I think I was quite free in the holidays?
Simply because I watched:2 times of The Game Plan, Unrest, Stardust, Bee Movie.
I like them all for different reasons.
Looking forward to Enchanted and Fred Clause.
I'm still a kid! Hee~ I love christmas.

Missing school yet I don't wish to go back to school
Not enough holidays
Well..First day of school was..
Good start with BIG BREAKFAST but not when you see some people
Was not close with her
But for some reasons we talked for we had somethings in common or should I say we are similar in many ways?
And misunderstandings got things crazy
Friendships fell apart
I believe when you lose one, you gain another
Still living with it
For me, I wished nothing like this had happened because no one deserve it.

Second day of school?
Not bad.
Second blood donation.
Still fit for lunch at AMK HUB and MAHJONG sessions blood clot.
I think I lost too much blood.
So I'm going to rest!

2007-11-06T19:46:00.001+08:00

STARDUST

A philosopher once asked.
Are we human because we gaze at the stars?
Or do we gaze at them because we are human?
Contradictory.
Do the stars gaze back?
Now that's the question.

2007-10-26T01:19:00.000+08:00

Dreams
They can be for the future
They can happen in the day or the night
They happen daily
And they can be shattered when you're not ready
Regardless of how broken they can be
We can still be living in them
Or choose to live a new dream

Living in my shattered dream.

The past

2007-10-24T02:23:00.001+08:00

Just finishing mapling. Finally have the courage to blog about this. I guess I'm emo-ing in the middle of the night yeah?
(The 24Hr Supper place, arcade, hangout at the playground or fast-food restaurants)

Flashbacks of the past, everything is happening just too fast.
The supper-place we used to go, seems like a far-away place I will never go.
Much thoughts that I can't put into words, lost is still the only word.

Never can imagine why you could think that way of me. Always wandered why there was no apology. And you don't even remember my birthday. Don't you care for this friendship at all? It meant so much to me, what is it to you?

Because of that someone who came in your life and be close to you for a while, who thought that I was trying to break them up, who fucking trying to get close to you and tag my friend for nothing! All the small movements she have, everything! And you just know her, you don't understand her! You were supposed to know me better, to understand me better! And you! Believing in hypocrite and put our friendship at risk. And yes, everything is destroyed cos of her bloody movements and mouth.

I told myself, she is not worth. And you who stood by her, is not worth too. The fact is I care so much. I tried my best not to bother. But I just can't. Cos I was the one who give you the name Caden. I was the one who walked through with you. Not her. Does she still keep close contact with you? I doubt. Even if she does, she doesn't deserve a friend like you.

Cos of her, for nothing I did.
I lost a buddy, the life I used to lead, the group of friends I used to hang out with.
I'm putting a closure to this. The only time I blurt out my true feelings.
I still care. Cos all that matter was you, our friendship. It's a challenge I lost. I wished things could be the same. I hoped.

So much memories we shared, and we only have one precious photo taken. (Credit goes to Dumb dumb) :)

Once, I may not have treasured you as much and I did not know you meant so much.
But you can't deny that you were a precious gift from God and no one ever can replace you.

Lost

2007-10-07T11:24:00.001+08:00

Sleepless nights
Packed schedule
Straying away from negative thoughts
Hoping for a better tomorrow

And yup!! Yeah!! Will be going to Chalet later. One Jo,Del,Zhen,Wei,Sister and me discussed for a long time!! And finally we are going no matter what!! Hee~ Look forward to fun and laughters!!

Yesterday, met Jo to find zhen. **Waffle Cottage** rocks! And we decided to have supper! Yeah! The best thing that happened? We were lost. Stuck within the 5 fingers of suntec! No exit at Millenia Walk ( We got out by FIRE EMERGENCY DOOR thanks to one uncle! ) Yesterday was like trekking can? Haha Zhen asked us not to mention her name when we blog! But don't care! muhHAHAHa For Josie and me? We missed the last trian~ Lost again while looking for bus stop for NR! Haha Bye people! Chalet I'm coming!

2007-09-26T01:50:00.000+08:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

So I am here finally to clean up the dust! *sneeze* I'm allergied. Yup! An overview of my birthday celebrations but all my beloved!
One of the year I enjoyed my birthday most despite of getting old? Haha. Okay, here goes!

1st September 2007 - Not a Celebration but surprise from parents! Samsung L760 my new phone! I love it.

14th September 2007 - 1st Celebration - Family & Relatives

Early? Haha. That was because I was busy for the week of my birthday! Well well well! The first time I had to eat 3 cakes at one go cos of my twin cousins! Their birthday is one day before mine which is 20th September!
Quite embarrassing to be standing beside them as my cake only had two BIG candles! But who cares? I love the company of my cousins :). And of course thanks to my Aunt who never fail to celebrate my birthday every year. Thank you. And I always enjoy myself. (Pardon me, no photos. All with my cousins who always take candid shots! Shall upload soon. :) )
**Present - Hong Bao**

18th September 2007 - 2nd Celebration - Audrey my darling

Sorry to put you on this day! But still we enjoyed ourselves din we? Haha. Anyways, we went to catch Premonition. We missed the movie by 5-10 mins cos she made a mistake! It was supposed to start at 3.25pm? But she thought 3.30pm! So we happily went NTUC to shop for food to smuggle in! Premonition is nice :)
Imagine knowing your love one dead, but the next day you see that person, won't you cherish the person even more? For that one more day. And yup, Sandra Bullock tried to save her husband but failed. One thing I learnt, don't always try so hard to change things the way you want it to be, cos you will never know what else is coming your way? I hope I phrased it correctly? Okay! Back to my celebration! Haha.
We then took a bus to a secret place, and when we arrived, Haha, it's CHOMP CHOMP! The seafood and "tou huay" is superb! Thanks for bringing me there! After which, went Lilian (who is my ver-lo) house to play mahjong with Nic and CK! Then supper and slept over at Ver-lo house! Did not really sleep cos I take quite some time to get use to the environment!
Next morning, rushed home and prepared for work on Wed and I was working morning shift!
**Present - Red Zen Stone Plus**

19th September 2007 - 3rd Celebration - Sec Friends
After work, rushed home and changed. Traveled to my hometown Yishun and had BBQ and Chocolate Fondue Session with JingWen, ManJing, PeiSan and Shuxian! Shuxian thanks for organising! Jing Wen thanks for helping with your complains! Haha And Manjing and PeiSan, thanks for making your effort to come! As usual, once my Joker partner reached, we crack jokes all along. It always get Shuxian laughing! Haha.
Well, I don't just eat! I made Chocolate Fondue~ By heating it up? Haha. Melted tried to keep it in liquid form! Went to play Mahjong, and went PeiSan reached, the living room smelt of sour sour chao ta of CHOCOLATE! Haha. Well, it's still YUMMY! hee! We had a fake champagne too! Had a hard time trying to pop it, and I looked really astonished at the way it came out? Haha. After all the eating, mahjong in the air-con room! :) Went home in a cab at 2 plus AM and next day I'm working morning shift still. Haha
**Present - White 3 inch heels**

20th September 2007 - 4&5th Celebration - Colleagues and TEP
After work, had a meal with my GOD-father and mother, and Starfish! They drank beer and for me as usual, barley? Haha. But it was always soya bean! Anyways, yup. Chatted and gossiped! There were supposed to be Eugene, Jamie and James. All did not make it! But I still enjoyed myself! :)
**Present - Necklace, Piglet and Musical Octopus**

Then after much discussions, met Sister at Coffee Club a California doorstep! Well, I was cheated. Actually Josie asked to meet me today but I rejected as my friends booked my day first. But cos of what I promised Sister, I had to meet her. And yes, cheated by Ben, Wei, Zhen and sister! This time I'm really shocked! Though a lil sad that Josie and Delphi din make it, but it's alright. My 21st Birthday? Haha better make it up for me!
It was always me giving them surprises, but looks like things have changed. They climbed in with a piece of cake when I was asking Sister to place her order! Well, Sister, I must say you are a good actress! All the stories?
We then took a long time to decide where to go that can save cost! (But Zhen and me always side-track) Haha. Our final choice? Playing candles near my house! And you can see from the video above, it was really very sweet of them to make the shape out. And the candle was too cheap that it melted very quickly! Haha. Anyway, thanks! Love you all.
**Present - Mystery, with Delphi**

21st September 2007 - 6th Celebration - Jahrell and Dumb
Really felt bad for making you come all the way after your minor surgery! Anyway, Jahrell reached my house around 5plus with the keyboard I had always wanted. She gave me a shock when she was the delivery man!!! That explains why she almost fainted!
We then head down to Vivo and bought the criss-cut fries from Carles Junior after much persuasion from her. Compensated her with one small pack of jelly like sweet. We then went to buy a banana cake from secret recipe and half a dozen donuts cos I was craving for it!
Proceeded Jahrell first attempt in taking train to Sentosa! Haha Reached there and was really amazed by how beautiful Sentosa is now? The Song of the Sea, the atmosphere , the environment just leave my mouth open! I was really shocked by how everything had changed. And it's really nice.
Took the tram to Siloso and ate Sakae as she needed to eat cold stuff! That was the first time I ate so little at Sakae I guess? Haha Anyways, there was a salty fish smell, so I don't think anyone will have the appetite? Haha
After that, I insisted on treating her ice-cream and we ate the ice cream outside the ice cream shop with the gentle breeze and beautiful images of songs of the sea. The firework left me amazed again and I took a few photo of it!
After the fireworks, the haze came and we ran for our life to CAFE DEL'MAR! THAT PLACE IS SO SO SUPER COOL! I wanna bring all my beloved there! Haha. It's such a nice place to be relaxing at! On a comfy "sun-tan" like chair under the moonlight and starlight, drinking your drink. With the sea breeze, we fell asleep. It had been a long time since I last feel so relax and it was damn shiok!
After the WOAH place, we were supposed to go Palawan beach but we went to DUMB house! After eating the donuts, we went to sleep, but it took quite some time for us to settle down! Haha Dumb couldn't sleep cos we are not sleeping. I can't sleep cos each time I fell asleep, she will wake up then i will be awaken by her! Haha.
**Present - Keyboard, Eeyore Cup, Dino Keychain and Pee Pee Sweet**

22th September 2007 - 7th Celebration - Cousins friend
After having breakfast with Dumb and Jahrell, we sent Dumb to work. Then I went back home to wash up and meet next up. Haha. And we went to eat Carles Junior and watched movie Underdog! "There's no need to fear, Underdog is here!" Haha It was lame, but okay la. Haha Well I love dog even though I'm afraid of them!:)
Went Toys 'R' Us! And turned 5 balls! And I'm going to get more! Haha. Golden gun I'm coming! Two keychain I turned was 2 out of the 7 that I din wanted! See how unlucky can I be?
**Present - Cactus**

The end of my celebration!
Well the reason I left dust is because I din have the time. Also because I know once I start I can't stop! Haha. Well, here, I would like to apologize to Xinhui! Sorry! You should have booked me earlier. You can read from above on how busy I was right? I was barely home for more than 3 hours everyday of that week! Haha. Anyway, enjoy my video and will try to update more! :) Thanks everyone for remembering my birthday, sweet surprises and lastly, your presents! **HUGS**

2007-08-21T20:04:00.000+08:00

Paper was tricky
My eyes were playing a fool
My ears did not
B-I-T-C-H
Loud enough for me to hear
It bothered me
But not after knowing I did nothing

You know the definition of B-I-T-C-H?

1.	a female dog.

2.	a female of canines generally.

Slang.

a.	a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, esp. a woman.

b.	a lewd woman.

Slang.

a.	a complaint.

b.	anything difficult or unpleasant: The test was a bitch.

c.	anything memorable, esp. something exceptionally good: That last big party he threw was a real bitch.

Which one? 3rd? I don't seem to match that. I'm sorry.
I was thinking perhaps I should keep a distant.
On second thought, why should I?
Cos I am already losing one friendship cos of you?

When you called me that
I'm sorry to say that it did not hurt
Not only did it not hurt me
It was a childish act

What hurts the most?
Sorry it wasn't cos of you.
But cos of MY BUDDY.

Buddy:

Did you treasure this buddy-ship?
Did you remember that your buddy is still around?
Forget the buddy days cos that is not the main point.
The main point here is HER.
Cos of telling my friend that you two msged?
It's such a small matter
which doesn't affect anything at all.
Why did you let it affect us?

Why must HER be the cause?
Yes I admit I was afraid of losing my buddy
But it was because I cared too much
Is caring and being bothered by losing a buddy too much?

I'm disappointed. You did not choose to talk to me.
Miscommunication and her came in between us.

Buddy, I knew we were going further and further apart. I tried to talk to you, but it was of no use. I admit I'm tired in asking and finding out myself, but I never give up you know. Till just now when we chatted, I did not give up.

But why? Why must you be the one who knew she scolded me a BITCH? And still agree that I am? Just cos there's no other words? That's not a good reason. Even how pissed you are, you shouldn't have agreed. Cos I will never say anything that bad about you. Not even when you are, cos there are always better words and ways of saying.

You know how hurt I was to see it with my own eyes that you agreed? That my own buddy whom I know for so long? That understand me? Agreed that I am a bitch? I told you to stop going on, I stopped replying cos I am lost for words.

No friend ever broke my heart to this extend.
For now, concentration on my last paper.

2007-08-20T21:33:00.000+08:00

Okay! I'm blogging because someone somewhere out there with the name of Jahrell asked me where is the credits?! Haha..Okay here goes---> Thank you Jahrell for the Poem and the soundtracks from soundtracks! Yup!

Tuesday 14th August 2007

Went to Sentosa by Sentosa Express with Audrey.We were tanning at Palawan Beach.OMG~
11plus SUN IS so DAMN hot!It was raining heavily after bathing.And our next stop--Vivo City.Walked around and decided to grab a donut. After queuing for less than 30 mins..We got a donut each! First time buying donut! Haha..So happy. But so paiseh! Cos everyone was buying in dozens except for us! (Photos will be updated soon~)

Then went to find Peifen and Jahrell at PS. Oh ya! Sorry for ps-ing Audrey! But my friend needed me more! So :) I know you wil understand. Hmmm..We went KFC for dinner!! Finally got my KFC!! Was supposed to go HMV to find secrets's poster! But sadd-ed! I guess I just have to wait for the soundtrack and movie release in DVD! Next stop---> POOL! waited for Buddy's arrival..And you see our expert Pool player Peifen trashing everyone of us! Haha seriously it's just holes..! But she always goes..Hold the cue nearer to your waist! Lol..Kk sent Peifen home and home sweet home for us!

Monday to Friday except for the above day! 13th,15th-17th August 2007

Mugging in school library at the center wing!Well it's kind of a strange study group which consists of Delphi, Josie and me? We also have additional good companies like Amelia, Janice and Shuai Sheng? And I am enjoying every second to core! The in between laughters..our Lunch and tea break! Our messy table..the smuggling of snacks! I will miss it after the exams and look forward to them in the coming exam for next semester! Haha

Thursday 16th August 2007

After mugging~ To city hall with Jahrell! We went looking for her pants and the cardigan! And she got her black pants which is part of the plan for her birthday? Haha went Carrefour to take a look at the keyboard I always wanted cos it teaches me how to play Canon! And guess what? I guess no one is buying? It dropped from $199-$129! Should I wait longer? Oh anyway..I do agree it's a romantic thing to do when two person plays a melody together? For those who watched Secrets should know :) I'm mastering the melody.

Friday 17th August 2007

Was supposed to watch fireworks with Jahrell and Peifen after Jahrell's exam! But Peifen couldn't make it! Yupp! Then in the end Jahrell went with me alone..And I made a new friend! Eileen who was her primary and secondary school friend! We can kinda talk :) I'm glad. Apologies for stoning! But thanks for their company! The fireworks was very nice! As usual..short and sweet. Never fails to touch me by their beauty. It's amazing how the fireworks beautify the night! :)

Monday 20th August 2007

I was freaking out already! I got lecture 1,2,5,6,7,8,10 to study for compensation management and my paper is at 4.30pm! Met the girls at 8am! For the first time the school library was still close when I reached school! Haha Okay! I "chiong" my memorizing and additional notes till 3pm!

And Thanks to delphi! Now the whole table of girls is using her 25 ALPHA to study! Haha. Why not if it helps right? :) Hmm.. The paper was like..look difficult..But when I was doing it.. I told myself I can't let Delphi down! And her effort in helping me understand! Haha and I bet I did not let her down! I remembered everything she said! And for the first time? I left 30mins earlier. Contented with my performance!

Two more papers to go! Jia you! Oh ya! I guess exams isn't that difficult after all? It's the company? Everyone's companion? And encouragement! And that two pen! Let's all jia you! And enjoy after this week!

2007-08-13T22:50:00.000+08:00

Follow the notes upon a journey.
At first sight marks one's destiny.
When the voyage comes to an end.
Return lies within hasty keys.

Yes ah! Thanks my friend that I'm able to get this poem right! :) And I'm gonna catch the movie once again. Catching it again for experiencing the love I never had..for the melody I cried for.

She cried. I hurt her once again. The fact is I don't deserve anyone. So don't be jealous.

My past, it still affect me a lot.

A friend of mine told me: I deserve to be loved. Everyone has their past. So don't be affected. What's over is over. Someone who can accept me for who I am will be worth very bit of my love.

I will take all that you said to heart. :) Thank you. Really appreciate everything you said and your company.

2007-08-13T00:06:00.000+08:00

Secrets
The BEST show I have watched.
Not because it's Jay.
But because of:
1) the melodies that brought me to tears
2) the love i yearned for
3) the secret
4) how real everything seems to be

I didn't quite get what the show was about when "Xiao Yu" was talking "Xiang Lun"'s dad about what is happening in the future. But thankfully I had a Jay lover beside, so she put every piece of the puzzle in place. Thank you.

She asked him whether he will like other girls when she is not around?
His answer made her pinched him.
That 15 apples which can "cure asthma".
The ice cream.
The playing of the piano.
Listening to their favorite song.
She told him to cherish every moments with her.
And he did.
She asked him why does he like to play single-handedly?
He replied another was to hold her hand.
The truth.
He was devastated.
The return lies within the haste of the keys..(If i remembered wrongly?)
How fast he played the piano..How fast the keys went..
The melody brought him to her.

If melody could bring one to the one they loved, I will learn.
Cos it's what I yearned for.

2007-08-11T00:04:00.000+08:00

YEAH!
All projects defeated with glory!
The efforts
The sleep-less nights
The tolerance
The pounds
All will be worth when we get our grades :)

I'm on my way to defeat exams! YES! My beauty sleep to get back my beautiful eyes and beautiful smile :)

I just need friends around. And I seem to have lost all. Someone said they are close at heart but can't always be beside. Still, I need company. I need fun! I need nice food! I need new clothings!

2007-08-10T02:21:00.000+08:00

Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.
What if you got it back?

I cherish. I do not want to go my whole life collecting days searching for the one.

Did you have that "dream came true" thing? But you'd be wrong. All that happens when your dream comes true is a slow, melting realization that it wasn't what you thought.
And it won't save you?

2007-08-08T02:16:00.000+08:00

ONE MORE PRESENTATION DOWN!ONE MORE TO GO!

CONGRATS TO MYSELF AND TEAM-MATES!
Our HRM report got A- with good company interview and skit got A+ which Daphne and my good acting skills :) Well done Girls!

Another worth being happy about! My International Business that I just wanted a pass..
and I got 44.5/75! I'm proud of myself for I put in effort. :)

Workplace Health Promotion, good comments from Ms Prema. Creativity she found in us. :)

Customer Relationship Management presentation was so stressful when each group that presented shaked their head! Well, we did well again! Teacher was very contented with the whole presentation and the information provided. No question from her at all. Just good comments. :)

Yup! So time to enjoy soon~ Actually am already starting to enjoy..starting from today! wahaha
Went to Cineleisure's Suki Sushi! Yummy! each plate 10 cent cheaper though I need not take out my wallet. But I save other people's wallet. :)
Went to Far East..Desert time! Hee..Superb! The mango..the durian..hmm!! Simply heavenly. Haha~ Wanted to eat more. But? Yup they refrained me. Cos my cough has yet to recover! *cries! After enjoying the heavenly desert..Supposed to shop. But empty-handed again! sigh~

Anyways..! Yes. Arcade time. I guess with me, never fail to be at arcade! Muhaha
Broke the high score with my friend! yes! Two machines of our high score! 453 followed by 468! It was a GREAT LET OUT! Letting out for nothing :) But feels good sweating so much that it was dripping?! hahaha I shall play more often in that way.

The only crazy way I can be.

2007-08-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

Another suicide. Not my friend. But my friend's friend.

Imagine your bedroom as the store-room when two of your other brother slept in a nice cozy bed room EACH.
Imagine being look down upon when your two other brothers studied in JC and Poly.
Imagine failing in your life so much that even your mum don't show her love for you.

That's his life. And it ended with a jump over a 16th storey block. It brought to him much pain when he landed on a car and not dead. But the pain wasn't as much as the pain he felt in his life. He wasn't dead. He was brave to even bring his feet off the ground. To be blowing bubbles with his saliver.

He landed on that car alive. With broken legs and eyes wide open. His mum called the ambulance. Cleaned his blood around him. After the cleaning, he closed his eyes smiling. Never will he suffer from that pain again.

But I guess he is contented with the last moment with his mum.

Death may be the only option to end the pain. But it too bring pain to people around. It must never be the solution to solve problem.

And his death sort of dawn on me that, everyone need someone to love and care for them. Without it, one simply can't survive. It was never hard to shower someone your love and concern? Cos you will never know what is the person thinking and what he/she is gonna do the next second. You could have saved one life. :)

2007-08-03T00:29:00.000+08:00

Ever tried so hard to be someone you couldn't?
Ever tried not to be yourself but you are still you?
Ever tried letting things go right and it went left?

This ever never end..And I ever tried.

2007-08-01T10:17:00.000+08:00

BEEN
...really caught up with projects that piled up like MT EVEREST!
...down with fever several times when cold caught me!
...having a sexy voice for 5days!
...hoping for a day when I can enjoy myself to the fullest not needing to worry about anything else.

I AM
...two days away from my PIZZA!
...one week away from being a sleeping beauty!
...one week and five days from study week!
...two weeks and five days from 3 exams!
...three weeks and five days from ENJOYING MYSELF TO THE FULLEST!

Hahaha. Can I enjoy a bit earlier before the exams come?! I hope so!
**HINT HINT to my friends**
Anyone?

2007-07-26T01:19:00.000+08:00

Content with the life I'm leading now
Though projects are piling like a hill
And bringing me down to the bottom of the well
I have the encouragement to move on to the finish line

A hug

2007-07-22T05:03:00.000+08:00

Obligations.
ONE word I hate.
Deep thoughts.
Emptiness.
Pain.

Did I mattered?

For all, I mark an end. So i end with a .

2007-07-12T22:56:00.001+08:00

Mix feelings. Don't want to believe what my heart is telling me. Perhaps there was never love for you. A sudden emptiness in my heart. And I realizes how much I miss her. The thought of her just bring tears to my eyes. I think I have to get over her. I'm lost. I want to see my heart. It takes time. I thought it was clear enough. Maybe it wasn't.

2007-07-11T14:25:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't love you, but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you, but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feelings stop

It's gettin' hard to
Be around you
Theres so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feelings stop

This emptiness is killin' me
I wonder why I've waited so long
Lookin' back I realize it was always there, just never spoken
I'm waitin' here
Been waitin' here

Just so you know
This feeling's takin' control
Of me and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go
Of you but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know

2007-07-11T11:48:00.000+08:00

Buddy is right. Life is full of regrets just because you are one second late to do what you need to do. And it's the smile of the person you love that let you know that no matter what you do, it's all worth it.

I had been very tired. Tired in everything. But it's IT that kept me moving. But I realized the pain of it is more than what I can take. I lost myself. I'm another person. Yes, "da xiao jie". I hate being the me now.

The things I do are beginning to be a burden to you. Like you said. Partly I'm the cause of your "emotionally tiredness". I don't know whether I made the right decision. But like what Buddy said. It is the smile of yours that make everything else worthwhile.

2007-07-05T14:33:00.001+08:00

Yesterday..

CRM tutorial canceled! I slept till 12.30 pm. The weather is just too hot, or I would have slept till evening. Haha. Woke up, I decided to take my friend advice to divert my attention by playing games or studying. So I played CS and The Sims 2.

Ate my dinner at 4plus 5, Caden came. My savior helped me to install the Nokia software. Which allowed me to be able to listen to the songs as and when I like in my phone. Thanks Buddy.

We went to meet ShuHui, Ain and Jing'er to play soccer! yes! A long time since I last kicked soccer!! Haha after so long, this is the first time i sweat so much! It was practically dripping.

Then took 962 to Sembawang and back to Woodlands while wasting time to wait for Brenda to wake up! We went "Basa malam". Actually could have reach earlier, but due to Caden's wrong judgement, we went Woodlands first. Haha

Then we bought lots of food to under HuiZe's BLK! Oh yes! We had a lot a lot of food. It looked as if we bought any food you find at the "Basa malam". Haha And we headed home! :)

2007-07-04T13:27:00.000+08:00

Monday

Met up with Jahrell and skipped Workplace Health lecture together! We went to the library cos you wanna talk and going to the lecture was quite redundant. We went to the library cafe cos of my complains of the hot weather. I wanted to drink Cola. But she asked me to change. Since coffee will never be my choice, Iced Chocolate!

Thanks for the movie magazine! :D Love it! Then went to HRM lecture since she say she wanna clash my lecture to see how Jess is doing! But she went off with them leaving me in that boring lecture on the topic Compensation which I'm already taking the module!

Set through the lecture, and met up with her after that. We went Bugis, on the way saw her friend Yi Rong. In fact we saw her on the way out of school and she was going to town too. It was kinda awkward cos I don't know her. Therefore I tried to be on the phone most of the time.

Reached Bugis! First destination--The fortune teller machine? haha! Yes. It's pretty true in what it says. Or should I say it's true! Had lunch at BK, and that's the first time I ate Mushroom Swiss! Went Sim Lim square followed by OG, and I think I really pissed off by going to the toys department. Took 130 to AMK!

**Throughout the journey
I looked at the places we passed by
Tried to have a clear view of everything
But before I could see
The bus moved off
I tried to take photos
Too slow
Knowing where it leads me to
But do not know what happens in the process

Met Josie at AMK Hub in the end to get Zhen's present! We are super late in celebrating Zhen's birthday! So we are celebrating tomorrow! Quite lost in what to get for her as we haven been meeting up. Therefore we do not know what she needs! But in the end we got her a double index blouse, flower and a box that Josie and I figured very long in how to fold it!

Tuesday

Met up with Audrey, watched Eragon. I was too tired hence I slept for some of the time! Or most of the time. Well do miss the feeling of having someone to hug you. Though it's different. But I'm glad still.

Went to school. Attended one hour tutorial. Then I have one hour before the next lecture start. Then realized nothing to do. So Shirley and me walked at a slow motion speed and went to shopping arcade. We shopped at Giodarno! First time I buy blouse in school! Bought a jail shirt! Haha

Had Sakae Buffet to celebrate Zhen's birthday! We made a guy present to her the flower we bought!

**Your sms came
You asked me is it ok
You know the answer
I said okay, its alright
I went down for HooHoO
I feel down

Met Buddy and Brenda. Watery eyes I had. With unstoppable feelings and hooHoO. I am so lost. After Brenda left, Silence is all that is left between Caden and me. Budx, I guess you should know better that no words can make me feel better. Thats the reason for the silence.

We took bus round and round woodlands. 911 din came. We took 900. then 911. Followed by 913. Not more than 5 conversations. We both looked out of the window. Do not know where we are for most of the places the bus went. Next time we are gonna take a long journey one. :)

Reached home.

**New songs introduced.
Boston, 不能说的秘密, 9 crimes.
And I'm in love with them.
Can I go Boston and Paris with you please?
Since I'm not allowed to stalk you. Haha

2007-07-01T04:00:00.000+08:00

The usual blur and stupid me did the dumb-EST thing..Yesterday I worked till 12am..I only managed to call a cab at 12.30am..I asked the taxi driver to give me a copy of the receipt to claim from my company!

Today morning around 7.30..I was awaken by my dream..I dreamt that I lost the receipt..Which means I won't be able to get back my $20 plus dollars claim! I woke up..To my horror..!!The dream was true..I searched my wallet and bag for the receipt and its missing..

Then I think back..I suddenly remembered that the moment I got out of the cab..I put the receipt in a plastic bag..And I threw it.

I quickly wear my sweater..Ran down without even brushing my teeth..I looked inside the dustbin..but it was still quite dark in the morning..So I open the cover..And I saw the plastic bag I threw squashed under alot of papers!!I quickly took it out and luckily..My receipt is till there!
I was like phew~ And when I reached home..I quickly continue my sleep..haha

Slept for less than 1 hour..then I went to work..Met Wei Ming who is my cousin's friend..Like my big bro..to watch TRANSFORMER..which I was supposed to watch with someone else..anyways..STEVEN SPIELBERG ROCKS! His shows were always "must catch" movies for me..!Actually I don't like the robotic shows..But I'm simply addicted to TRANSFORMER!!CoOl~

Haha..And I'm gonna get the toy that can transform into the mechatronics..!The good guys rock toO! After the show..Went to my cousin house..Then we all proceeded to MUSTAFA!There were 5 of us squeezing at the back of the car..and well..I'm not that big size..!!haha..

Did not get anything..After shopping..we went Geylang eat DIM SUM!! Wah..SUPERB!YUMMY!! Like I never eat so nice DIM SUM before..haha..nd I wanna bring my friends there!!TASTY TASTY~lol..

Thats all for today..I'm tired~ Night everyone! :)

2007-06-28T20:33:00.000+08:00

I stopped
Looked around
Looked back
The path I walked had so many footprints
I realised I walked alone

2007-06-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

Another post of the day~

And I'm supposed to blogg about let me see..that particular day that Caden and me went to give Brenda a birthday surprise at 12am!

I actually am not supposed to go out that day..but I did..We left the cake with the candle burning hoping that Brenda opens up her door as soon as possible..and well..She took like very long!
Then actually when walking to find her..Ah bear(Shu Hui) was trying to keep Brenda awake by talking to her on the phone..!

Okay..Then yes!Birthday song for Brenda~then we were talking away..Suddenly..Bomb!Ah Bear whom I don't know her until her appearance appeared like Genie from the teapot!lol..And she shocked Brenda and me! Caden sort of knew that Ah bear is coming la..thats why..NOT FAIR!

then we sat there talking..playing..And stupid Sotong Brenda spread a bit of cheese cake on my leg!And the smell was eeewwww~~~GROSS! So I got no choice but to go into her house and wash..The moment I wanted to turn on the tap!I screamed with hand covering my mouth..!XIAO CHIANG!Oh man..damn!It was late..her mum was like shHh~ I'm like so paiseh can..

After washing..faster ran out to find Ah Bear..And thats when I know Ah Bear!She's cute..funny..haha..And I love her!I called her Ah Bear toO..But I think I called her differently that they gave me that kind of look and laughter..haha..but I insisted on calling her Ah Bear cos I don't have any friends with the name of Ah Bear!Came out..saw the cat that Brenda always fed..I was like..please!The cat came near..and I hid behind Caden..

And yes..Caden and me sent Ah Bear to her corridor since its like 3-5 mins away?Before we go..Caden went sent Brenda back..And I spent sometime with Ah bear!and the cat kept wanting to come to me..I guess it must be due to my BURBERRY SUMMER FRAGRANCE!!haha..Lucky with the BRAVE Ah Bear..I was saved!Then Caden came..and we sent Ah Bear home..

On the way..Ah Bear was like there is a cat beside you..I chose not to believe her cos she told me in a very calm manner!I turned but I couldn't see the cat!So i said that she lied..then she said REALLY!THERE!then I turned..and I immediately JUMPED to the other side and ran away!

Sent Ah Bear home..Caden and me then went to 24 hours to eat..she insisted to walk back to amk after that..so I allowed her to stay over till the first train..we watched the 9pm chinese drama my parents recorded for me..We were really tired..and yes she left at 4 plus near 5 cos My mummy kept coming out to "check" on us! :(

*Ah Bear this whole entry is for you! For scaring me two times in a day! :)

2007-06-27T20:08:00.000+08:00

Help for a friend
Cold shoulder in return
Kindness turned away
Am detested

Nothing can explain how hurt I was. The moment the door open, all i saw was hatred eyes. Expected you to call me like you always did, what I got was a cold stare like "Do I know you?".

From this I believe and I learnt that never ever be a third party in any relationship.
You may have kind intentions, but people don't see it that way.
No matter how close that person is to you, don't ever do it.

**Cos it hurts a lot when your help is not appreciated,and yet your feelings and thoughts are also neglected.

It hurts when the person asked for your help and in the end he/she is treating you this way.
It hurts when you see that person so hurt and you can't do anything to help. The only thing you can do is do what that person says.

Ultimately, you are detested. You might feel that it's okay to be detested by other people for your loved ones, but when it comes to a point when even your loved one, the one you helped gave you that cold stare, cold shoulder, that's what hurts the most.

2007-06-26T22:59:00.000+08:00

A moment of jolly
One wrong step
I lost myself
Forgotten
Neglected
Who understands?

Sometimes things just don't always go as plan..and decision made in that split second..can lead everything else the wrong way..

She said I changed..I think I changed..I don't even know myself..who knows me then?

I had so many friends..Everyone leaves their footprint and left..Who stays ultimately?

Perhaps life is just about entering and leaving someone's life..That's why I'm cherishing every moments I have with anyone..For I can never get a second one..

It's one of a kind for each moment..

Celebrated Didi JunKai's birthday at Vivo..bought him a cake..and talked by the river..perfected with the scenery of SENTOSA, cable cars, wind, moon and the stars..And I enjoyed myself..For I found something that can lighten the pain in my heart no one understands..

**my past still bothers me..and I don't wish to think.

I'm sorry Bud..It's a secret..for you..me and my didi..I disappointed you..Sorry..I just need you to understand.

2007-06-26T12:20:00.000+08:00

A phone came at 1844.!!Well surprised!Cos its from Jahrell? She din know what to study for her COACHING test today.And for her coaching lessons she actually get to play games..And told her I would willingly exchange any of my module for that.(I can understand why she din know what to study..cos the slides mostly cover pictures)haha..

After a while..we came to a topic..BASKETBALL..And the next moment..yes.. Last minute meeting with Caden and her..This time the basketball is for real man..lol..And Caden asked Brenda to come along..but she can't join us..then she was like the arcade one?lol..cos thats what I had been playing during my PRECIOUS 2 weeks holidays.

That basketball in arcade is a way to "fa xie"..let out everything!you just throw and throw the ball like nobody's business till you drop dead.Yeah.And I was late meeting them cos was quarreling with my mummy.Caden reached earlier than Jahrell. Okay..we proceeded to playing basketball at THE REAL COURT this time..

They concluded that my eyesight isn't that good..and I can conclude my basketball skill totally deteriorated..lol..Air ball was what I always get..and I ended up at A..though I love A..but not to extend..haha And Caden went B,C,D,E...arghx..she was like always getting the ball into that "hole" when she is talking and not concentrating..

Well so much so for Caden and me..Jahrell??She finished and was helping us to get the ball..haha and standing and throwing 3 points ball..She is the best among us la..sigh~ OpPss.. I shouldn't have..I learnt that sighing will bring bad luck for 3 years..I guess alot of people had been bad luck for alot of years..

We then went to look for brenda near her block..and all of us studied..it was windy..And I was imitating the MV of jay's song "feng"..lol..they were laughing at my..erhem..expression..and singing of cos..I just needed leaves..lol..you know as in the leaf?haha..and I almost spoiled the impression of Jay Jahrell have..haha..

The sky..red..the wind..cold..and we decided to leave so Jahrell can catch her last train..And I guess I pretty much memorize or remember the last train timing to TPY AND AMK..Arguments went on..I wanted them to leave first so they wont be drenched and so on..need not send me home..In the end..Jahrell got on the last train to TPY..and Caden sent me home..Kind of angry..but know they are worried..thank you to both of you..

Impt: 24hr coffee shop close on monday

Reached home..3 Of us were rushing our unfinished things..and Chatted..smsed..

Well.matters of the heart can only be solved by oneself..by the heart..see, decide and hear from the heart..You love the person and you are happier with the person..why not?:) But like I always emphasize..After any decisions you made, don't ever look back. For once you look back you will regret. No matter what decision you make..I support you..Just be happy. Don't think so much..get over it and done with so you won't be troubled k?

For the next person..know what your heart really wants..don't hurt anyone?not yourself..not them:)

2007-06-25T17:30:00.000+08:00

Not too much information on what I did over the holidays..
A few disclosed wont hurt I guess :)
1. Working two part-time jobs
2. Late night meetings
3. Projects

Sunday..The only day I get to rest..I had to wake up at 6.30am? Cos it's my grandfather's birthday..And we bought him a birthday cake..though he might not get to eat..we were there to accompany him!and I guess thats the thing he always yearn for..company..

Everyone need company..be it a loner..he/she will need company one day..

Discussions of my cousin's ROM day went on..and I'm gonna be in dress! Haven yet seen the dress..but well..for my cousin.. :)

Reached my grandma house at 10am..She was very surprised and happy to see me for I have not visited her since CNY due to work..sat beside her and listen her talk for 1.5 hours..though I mostly did not understand..Just being there..lol..and laugh at everything she says?

2pm..Met budx to attend church service at Paya Lebar..And I think the place is fantastic..I was welcomed..By Pastor How,Sister Evelyn, Peishan..! And familiar faces still around..Well..I was pretty into service as this is the first time I ignored my phone for 2.5 hours..

I concentrated and thought of nothing else..it has been a long time since I last praise and worship God..listen to sermon..and cry in the presence of God..

Tears just came naturally..I don't know why..perhaps I was away for too long..Talked to Pastor Lia..And she was like how long was I away?Hmmm..I do would like to be back..but for my family's sake..I wont..I need to work..for my allowance..

Some people just dunno how fortunate they are to be able to be home or out..not needed to be worried about money..and I am different..but I'm enjoying the life I'm leading now..Tired..but happy with the way things are now..

2007-06-16T00:42:00.000+08:00

Looking forward to meet a friend on Saturday whom I'm rather close to recently..It has been a long time since I had a close friend..one who can always hang out with me..one who is just a phone call away..one who bring happiness to my life most importantly..

I know I can never be your best friend..and You don't want another best friend..You lost faith..but I hope you know..without you knowing..you brought joy to my life by being a friend of mine..Whom I can shop with..play with..talk with and ton with..And I miss this feeling which I used to have..Like I always said..I don't expect much..Just the way we are and I'm contented..

I neglected a lot of my friends cos of a decision I made in the past..I guess like you said..be aware of Karma..and perhaps..it's happening..

I was working happily..well trying to faster get through the day..After serving a few customers..I finally get the time to rest and take a look at the SMS which came like 20mins ago..

That SMS broke my heart..it made me screamed so loud in my heart..it made my heart teared..my eyes was flooded..and I tried not to blink..I never expecting anything more even if I'm falling deeper..

It's like when you found your happiness..someone you can share everything..your joy and sorrows..With one SMS your happiness is destroyed?I tried not to think..but failed..I was like..Caden..Lets drink tonight and I seriously need them to numb myself..

And yes..After work..I rushed home for dinner..And rushed to town again to meet Caden..I finally know that feeling of being numbness..Like nothing else matters..I din know what to do..And I finally know what is really no appetite..No appetite is when I haven eat my breakfast for the morning..afternoon 2.30 I ate 4-5 mouths and thats it..dinner I can't eat..And that is no appetite..

Caden and me met at Robinsons Centrepoint as she wanted to take a look at XingYu..And she did..She was like..wow!she so man..!haha..then we proceeded to PS to shop for my blouse which I couldn't get during lunch time..Now I'm looking for a white vest!haha..I must be mad..well shopping is one way of letting off..then I will have to suffer at the end of month..

Hmmm..recently you might see me at Douby Exchange arcade playing like everyday..yes!I love basketball whenever I need to "fa xie"..And I did with Caden..not to the extend..Hmmm..I wonder..I can never reach stage 4 with you la? But with Jahrell.. Hmmm..anyway it was about letting off..for controlling the tears in my eyes at my workplace and in the MRT..

You told me to not feel hurt..how can I not..when my friend is thinking that way..You said never to avoid..well what's the difference for the cooling period?I dunno..We shall talk tomorrow when we meet up..cos you are my friend.

2007-06-15T00:46:00.000+08:00

I'm glad to have good companies recently..and I'm enjoying every seconds of my life except for some seconds that nearly made me cried..

Fortunate to have good and caring friends around who never fails to take turn to be there..who are just a phone call away..And I'm beginning to like last minute meetings..they are fun..exciting..and carefree..

You made me believe in last minute meetings..My life revolves around planning..and always everything have to go according to plan then it will be called successful..

However..recent last minute meetings are perfect..and I realized..I had never been really very happy..and I was the happiest I guess..Or the most fortunate person on earth to have a good company..and many prizes..sweets, mickey, minnie and xiao pang!

But I lost the minnie..You told me not to hang..I did not heed your advice..and indeed I lost it..I nearly cried when I realized it's missing..And I dunno whether I hit Caden hard? I just kept punching her hand and pulling her shirt..!For a moment I went crazy..Mickey and minnie were supposed to be together..perhaps it's just not meant to be..

I cried not for the toy..but for the memories we shared when getting it..I can never let go memorable things..never....I always fail..I just hope when we get a new one another time..It wil be the same situation..the atmosphere..the feelings..

I'm glad I still have xiao pang.. :) And I had been collecting The MAC happy meal toy..I got everything except for one..!!the donkey's BABY!and I'm going mad from searching for it..or should I say my two kind friends? They searched so SO many places..and just now I even went Lim Bang with Caden..So ULU..Yet they also sold out the toy le..I saw the whole sad..and the people told me it's for lucky draw prize..I'm like so desperate for it la..I asked them can I have it?Or can I buy?Or how do I get the lucky draw..they say the lucky draw belongs to someone le..

Arghx..I appreciate both of your effort in finding the donkey's BABY for me though we still can't find..I want it..And I'll find it..But I doubt I can find it..Somethings are just not meant to be..And you can't force it..I guess even if I go Malaysia also dun have la..It's just fated..And I'm beginning to believe in fate..I'm happy with the current situation I'm in..ton at times..last minute meetings..heart to heart talk..being scolded ben dan..haa..I'm living care-freely..

Asking for nothing much..but you to be happy.

2007-06-14T00:55:00.000+08:00

To be continued..and I'm not continuing what I said..cos someone commented that I shouldn't get so detailed..and shouldn't really mention her?Alright..I will not..Well..

For today..I went to pay respects/ "bai bai" my grandfather for his 100days death anniversary..After which had lunch and chats with cousin..

Proceed to Woodlands Library..Did projects..never really do..merely discussed how to continue the project and dedicated job..

Last minute meeting..Went bugis..Ate at V8 with your recommendation..food and company was simply delicious..haa..right way to describe a company?Had lots of fun..And i seriously enjoyed myself..I can that you do too.. :) thanks for your company..but I din take that long to get my things right? haha.. and I will wear that necklace..hmmm..well bball is a good way to let off?haa..alright..you got your sweet and I got my things..

Happy.. :D

2007-06-12T23:23:00.000+08:00

Ton-ing session organized by me for I wanted to drink..

Worked from 12.30pm-9.30pm..And during dinner break..I was happily eating My happy meal..and then Xingyu came telling me her father wants me to join them..I rejected..she came again..i rejected her once more..In the end..I thought it was quite rude that her father invited me over..and i rejected..therefore I went..well..awkward is the only word to descibe the situation..cos a father and daughter snatching over me..I made escape by joining a friend at the next table..

Back at work..Jahrell came at 9pm? Yeah..Then she went to buy drinks for our Movie Ocean13?After buying drinks..she came up..and thats the moment I made a fool of myself right there in front of her..I fell from the small chair while trying to clean a glass panal..Alright..

After work..Met Jahrell at Mac!I ate Happy Meal..She ate double cheese..We both like cheese burger!lol..to be continue..too tired..

2007-06-12T22:58:00.000+08:00

A sms came from you on 9th June 2007 12.26am: "I will just have to bare with it. I will just have to cry my days over w it. Its ok. Cos even if u say keep in contact. There's no diff U said u wont do this again. But you do. Nvm.. There is just no diff even if we "keep in contact" i know u don love me no more."

I was busy with all my projects and all..and there you came up with all your nonsense..and I had enough..Yes..I was never good enough..you wanna find someone (1000000000times) better..and I wish you luck..cos I can't give you the love and concern you need..I can give you all the attention that you need..I can't give you the time..Yes..I can never be better..And I serious wish you the best..I can never be enough..I can never be the one you are looking at..you dun see me..I'm too small for you to notice me..May you see the person who loves you..loves you more..I'm sorry for never being good enough..

Goodbye, the last time I let go.

2007-06-10T23:51:00.000+08:00

Jahrell's last minute meeting..haa..

On saturday after my lunch break..Jahrell called me..I missed her call..And by the time i call back..it was 30 minutes later..I suspect you were here..But you said you were at Sunny Island..And I wonder..where the hell is that??Well..yes I know..Singapore..chatted like a while..and you asked where am I?That qn gave you away..I KNEW you came..

Well was glad to see you..and your right hand was handcuffed!haa..You laughed at the bung opposite..and we laughing and talking..and stop pushing me to her!!Hello!You came to see whether AM I DEAD or not..not to sell me okay? Well..I guess she was jealous that we were laughing away..But it doesn't bother me..cos I'm happy!

And yeah..you were alone..then you went to meet up with your friends..I was supposed to finish work at 6.30..then continue to work at my opposite counter selling shoe..then in the end..they dun need my help..so was supposed to finish work at 9.30..then changed back to 6.30..then couldn't meet Caden..In the end..they needed me to help out..After working 10.30-6.30 at Sunglass counter..6.30-9.30 i proceeded on to selling shoe opposite..

And Xingyu was supposed to finish work..but she came back at 9pm saying just to see me..It doesn't matter..cos I dun need your company..And yes!I'm meeting Caden so that Xingyu can't send me home..instead Caden my good buddy did!So we took rebound..to Marina bay..and back..we sat at two seater..and ultimately gave up our seat..went out at City hall cos Jahrell called me and ask where am I..since im like one stop away..we alighted at Douby Ghaut and waited for the next train at cabin 16!! And we did not say hi..just like strangers..

Well..I asked Jahrell to at least remember to say bye to me..!!haa..and she asked wanna chill..hello..for the whole day i only had one meal..I have dinner at home..and yupp..I'm not prepared..so last minute..Jahrell asked for Caden to join..and..surpriseingly the "AH BENG" and "AH MENG" get along quite well..at the very leats they managed to survive without me around..

I bathed..had a few mouth of my dinner for nowadays I'm not hungry..haa..with can opener and keys..I went down to meet them..we chilled at the multi-storey carpark! And.. with one pack of peanuts..marshmellows..Two bottle of corona and one bottle of green tea for Jahrell..Anything for Caden..And Ribena for me..I'm young eh..haha..

Talked and played..peanuts throwing..soccer with bottle..and yupp..most importantly admiring the stars..Cos i'm searching for that stars..And I hope that one fine day I will be able to reach out to the star that belongs to me..And..discussions of "ton-ing" went on..Yupp..both of them landed in my room at..12 plus?

We watched My girl drama..and Saw3..And I made them to stay up to finish watching with me or I will never be able to finish..I'm a scary cat la..and Caden slept like when the show just begin?Thanks so much for your COMPANY cAden..!Well..at least i got Jahrell there with me still..and thanks for staying up watch finish with me..appreciates..after whcih..blog viewing..and friendster..

Computer off..and we went to our heart to heart talk session..well..we shared same perception about physical contact..And you found out what you wanted to know..I din explain much..cos no one believes what I did..no one stand for me..perhaps Caden..and well you are the next one..thanks..for not being judgmental..I definitely hope it was really just a heart to heart to talk..nothing more..And we talked through till 5/6plus?

Well..you got to know me..and I know you had something for..haa..thats a secret..well..at least I enjoyed myself with your company..my bolster was in your arms almost throughout the whole night with your cologne smell on it?

That was the first time I hear you speak so much chinese..and so much to share..I;m glad I stayed awake throughout..just to know you are fine..this two days is over..its now 11June07..Misery gone..I hope you are happy again..And we agreed that they should leave their toothbrush at my house so they can ton more often with teeth brushed in the morning..!!lol..im glad you two could get along..

A night of new friendship..laughters..deeper understanding..loneliness gone..memories erased..with the company of 3 different people..it was a happy night..

The next day..I gotta work..managed to catch 3hours of sleep after they left.. And I needed help..Xingyu wanted to send me home again..HELP!and Caden came to my help..well Caden said they will take turn to send me home..so I got like body guards..Cden for today which is sunday sent me to admiralty mrt station so Xingyu won't wait for me..And tomorrow..Jahrell's turn..haa..Xing ku both of you le..!thanks alot my two heros! I rejected her for the second time..nothing I can do..

Shows are gonna be put up..and hopefully she will give up..What I want is what I can never get..she is not what I want..Living my days to the fullest in earning money..hahhahaha and I miss my dumb dumb Y.E.S. 9.3.3 friend who went China..I had been suan badly by Jahrell and Caden..Gum gum need dumb dumb!!Arghx!!quick quick come back dumbdumb.. :(

2007-06-07T10:23:00.000+08:00

You Are a Dare Devil

For you, life is one big dare.
And you're all in for any adventure.
Others find you exciting, inspiring, and a bit intimidating.
You're biggest challenge at this point is trying to top yourself!

How Daring Are You?

You Are a Sleek Black Bra!

Subtle, sophisticated, and classy.
You're not the first woman a man notices in the room...
But you're the one he remembers a week later.
You need a guy who will make a lasting impression on you too!

What Kind of Bra Are You?

You Are a Good Friend Because You're Loyal

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing.
You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere.

And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile.
You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about.

You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid.
Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else

You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly

Your friendship quote: "Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows."

What Makes You a Good Friend?

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional.
You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it.
You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out.

Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable.
Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there.
You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ESFP)

Your personality type is playful, charming, open minded, and energetic.

Only about 7% of all people have your personality, including 9% of all women and 5% of all men
You are Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Your Love Style is Eros

For you, love is all about the passion!
And chances are, you're currently in love.
You have a strong physical response to love...
And you are great at committing
(As long as the person makes your toes curl!)

What's Your Love Style?

2007-06-05T02:17:00.001+08:00

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out.
Your heart is open to where ever love takes you!

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out

Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking

What turns you off: fighting and conflict

Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

You Are Really Not Happy

You may have noticed that things aren't going too well for you lately.
Your life never used to be like this, but it seems like happiness is slipping away from you.
You definitely need a change, because whatever you have going on isn't working.
It's time for you to shake things up - even if it means totally changing your life path.

How Happy Are You, Really?

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people.
You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together.
Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly.
People crave your praise and complements.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Lust Quotient: 45%

You are definitely a lustful person, but you do a good job of hiding it.
Your friends would be surprised to know that your secretly very wild!

How Much Lust Do You Have?

Your Sensitivity Score: 91%

You are an extremely sensitive person. You notice everything.
You've probably been called overly sensitive before, and it's partially true.
Highly sensitive people tend to be highly intelligent. And you just can't turn off that part of you.

Are You Extremely Sensitive?

What Guys Think of Your Long Straight Hair...

Sexy, desirable, and hard to please.
A girl who's so stunning that you've got them lined up around the block!

What Do Guys Think Of Your Hair?

2007-06-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

This school term I'm so busy..practically I have no free time..My life is filled with Projects..Tutorials..and Work..I'm really so tired..even when I am doing business in the toilet..I busy doing project also..I do not have one minute to rest..late night..and early morning is what I had been doing..Every minute I'm either rushing tutorial or projects..Seriously I need A BREAK from everything..And If I have a choice..I told many of my friends..I will give them a knife..just stabbed me if you wanna save me from all this..Never will I have enough sleep..enough money..enough time..and I have been skipping too many meals that I can survive with one meal for the day..and that one meal I can barely finish..Everything is bringing me down..Im dead tired..I need a break..time to myself..

Will anyone who loves me kill me..

2007-05-22T02:55:00.000+08:00

Met someone today..I'm not sure whether it was a wrong meeting..but you say it is..you said I changed..you said I'm no longer the Hui Ping you used to know..yes..I'm changing..well I think I'm better off this way..you know why so don't ask me why..somethings just can't be done..its really hurting to hurt you..yet you always force me to hurt you..you said you don't even wanna be frenz with me..everything you said..word by word they pierced straight into my heart one by one..

It's so painful..so so painful..I need a place to hide to recuperate..I don't need all the nonsense to bring my life down..

for sister and I..

Its just nights of weep
Walking thru with bare feet
It hurts so much on the rocky path
Leaving the blood stains on the path
Dark experiences and shadowed memories paint
Hoping to see the sun shine on us again

Life is never fair..
Life is never perfect..
Learning on the journey of life..
Hoping to see a better me..

2007-05-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

Went gym-ing with Josie..celebrated her birthday..I was trying so hard to drag the time..well..at last I gave up and we went to New York x2..!!Yeah..first time there..and I love the Candy Floss..a time when i feel like a kid..and Josie like her heels!!the size fits perfectly..!!yuppie!!

Getting on with life..I thought I fall for you..but I guess..it was just a crush..someone who accompanied me through the journey back..I thought I fell into another well..in actual fact..I haven got out of the well I fell into..and I fell deep..so deep..I finally realized that I'm still deeply in love with you..teach me how to get out..

I just saw you online..and I realized I miss you so much..so much..I don't cry..not anymore..till I saw your display pic..and I know you are still in my heart..no one ever entered..and you never got out..But I have to hold through..I tried to avoid going out with you..for I know I will be in your cuddle once again..that hand I used to hold..that shoulder I used to lie on..they are no longer mine..Long lost..I dun want to get back..cos I know if I give in..It wont be easy for me to get out..what hurts the most?this is it..I dont think it matters cos you were the one initiated it..

How much I want you..
How much I need you..
How much I miss you..
How much I love you..
Everything of you..
How can I let them go..
~~Holding on..hoping not to fall deeper..~~

2007-05-13T20:52:00.000+08:00

STUPID MOTHER'S DAY!!i will not celebrate this day again..my mummy love to eat durian..I'm very broke..but i thought just treat her eat..1kg $5..i bought 2 at $16..around 3kg plus..whatever..they were damn heavy and i only had one hand available to carry it back home..cant change hand either..brought all the way back home..i got SCOLDING from my parents..my father scolded me for buying durian..my mummy scolded me for buying durian which comes from Thailand..

I dunno how to choose durian and do not know what is a good one..i relied on the uncle to choose from me..I lead the uncle to give me good ones as my mummy like to eat and today's mother's day..so i asked him please please find good ones for me..so much so for pleading and carrying all the way back and using my own allowance that i earned which i barely or dun even have ENOUGH to buy the durians for her to eat..no one appreciated..

Fcuked up..of cos..i felt better when my mummy came to give me a hug in the end and said thank you..at least whatever i did was appreciated..

Tired!!

2007-05-04T19:40:00.000+08:00

First I wanna say HIP HIP HOORAY!!! for i got e heaviest load off my head!!!IPP REPORT!! been busy over it and losing slp over it..hahas..my worst fear is gone to MR CHAN..lol..Haven been blogging cos Im waiting for e photos to arrive at my mailbox!!my colleagues are jus too busy to upload e photo..hence i gotta jus wait then i can blogg about my last day at ipp in a complete way..hahas..!!

And Im realli broke..so SO BROKE..the notes and textbook is killing me..add up will cos $100??im surviving on cup noodles..no matter how broke i m..i will not ask money from my parents..well at least i can slim down cos im eating lesser..hahas..

yeah i slim down by 700 gram aft blood donation!!finally i pluck out my courage to donate blood..well..i will say..it seriously aint painful..and i hv a great sense of fulfillment aft donating for i will save one's life..i belongs to rare blood type lei!!lol..i wonder who's life am i gonna save??

And..today..i was supposed to have lunch with Xinhui and Shirley..I woke up at 10..was supposed to meet them at 11..den my mummy was mopping e floor..hence i couldnt move outside my room..therefore i asked them to go ahead without me..also cos i can save money n eat at home..im left with $11 in my wallet n $5 in my bank to survive till next end of week..and I have yet bought all the books that are compulsory..

Well..Im hoping to take up another job..either as a tutor or at St.anderson ice cream..well if i realli work at st. anderson ice cream..frenz..do visit me!!lol..cos i will b damn bored??my life is about study n working..so i treasure every sec that i get to play or rest!!I dun tink i get the chance to enjoy much either for teachers are alrd flooding us with ICA projects!!arghx..

I jus wished I had one day off from everything and stay with the stars..and frenz i love and have fun with..

A day with Delphi

2007-04-19T21:32:00.000+08:00

18th April 2007

To be short..I met Delphi for Dinner and to shop..hehe..i think im jus a volcano that erupt after activating my ATM CARD..oh my gosh!!ytd..we ate e new KFC pizza like thingy..YUMMY!!!!BUT not filling..hehe..well I decided to enjoy life alittle n diet when I get back to sch n prepare for Napfa!!

And then we went Body SHOP sales..was supposed to help sister get her draw eyebrow de..in e end cant find..Then next moment I noe..im queuing up to buy my Strawberry Shower Scrub n Peach Facial thingy with scrub too!!

Oh before del came..I met my cousin n my niece..we went walking ard..n i bought my cousin a small dino book since she like..everywhere I go..pp were like looking at me!!!looking at her!!!looking at me!!!!looking at her again!!cos my cousin is small in feature..n she was wearing sports wear..my niece is bigger feature which look more like me..den hai..u noe wad they are thinking laa..lol I bought 2 spaget..e w/ lace n 1 w/o..!!

so conclusion..bought 2 Spaget n 2 Body shop thingy..I think..oh ya..I bought cards too..preparing to go Del's house to decorate..well cos IPP is ending n I need to thank quite a few pp!!

19th April 2007

Well for e past few days from last week..i HAD BEEN updating particulars by data entry into PROSOFT HMS system..n..realli enter till fall aslp!!cos there are lots of Indian staff..n I seriously take a long time to figure out what are they writing laa..lol n piles of work..keep on putting on my table..well i prefer it this waY??cos i dun wann feel bored when everyone's busy..yeah..thats about it?

Stupid Mio PLan!!!keep spoiling!!!!seriously..I wanna complain...if only Im rich..I will sue them..cos my house internet n phone connected with e Mio Box...so once e DSL thingy flash..everything goes wrong..I m paying $83 for e bill..n onli using 10-20% of it!!!so frustrated..Arghx..I wan it SOLVED RIGHT NOW!!

A Day at This Fashion

2007-04-17T21:46:00.000+08:00

Accompanied My Colleague Esther to shop for her clothings for next Fri when we go club!!lol..My farewell too..lol..Well after work..we rushed down to take e bus provided as usual!!usually we take to Wdlands..But today we took to CCK cos we r gg Kranji's This Fashion..And on e bus..I notice this Uncle slp till his mouth so open..n his tongue was sliming around..so disgusted..I was laughing with Esther e whole journey thru la..cos I was very bad..hahas..I act took a photo of him with ZOOMED IN VIEW..hahas..haven delete but dun tink its gd to post it here..spoil my blogg..

The place is simply too BIG! lol..and e FITTING ROOMS are so clear!!no queue AT ALL!!Yeah..E first time I go try..tried 6 clothings..but only 5 is allowed!!so eliminated one w/o even trying!!hee..first time I try so many clothes w/o feeling paiseh..until I see e auntie again n again..again n again..then I realised..I tm trying for e 4/5th times already..

Went to look for basket cos I realised I kept dropping my blouse on e floor..then we threw everything inside..n try n try again..in e end..when i saw e price..add up..OMG..!!$100plus..I never shopped like tt!!luckily my fren have e This Fashion Card..10% discount..better than nothing..:) ahhas thx Esther..

THANKS A MILLION! i was supposed to acc her shop..!in e end I bought 2 times of wad she bought..somemore she keep looking on e way out..i kept pulling her away..but I wann say THIS FASHION PP R SO STINGY!! Esther only bought like one dress..one skirt..one tube..n she get one plastic bag..I bought 4..!!e person squeezed everything together!!siao de..anyways..yes..finally head back home..

I rushed home cos my BLADDER WAS BURSTING..n cos I promised a boy to play maple with him..a small kid..every tues..he asked me to acc him n party him every tues as he can onli play on tues..I broke my promise on e first time we meeting!!my gosh..cos my internet n house phone broke down!!!gosh..i fixed everything..while waiting to set up..bathe..bathe le eat dinner..yeah..everything's alrite!

*Smiles..I shopped..happily..but gonna eat bread n fruits for e next few weeks..:( lolx

15th April

2007-04-15T20:22:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 7plus today..went to have breakfast at Yishun..Yummy Kuay Chap!!my fav!!lol..then head down to work..

slept in my father's taxi like it's my bed..real pathetic for 2 weeks le..my wallet left $5..$4 i ate yeemee..then got one auntie treat me to Goreng Pisang..den I bought one Danish Pineapple tart..small like desert..yum yum!!lol..ate for two days le..next moment I realised is my wallet only left with 16cents..hahas..real real pathetic..very tired..

btw..ytd..i sold sunglass to A Eurasian..she gave me her old sunglass as gratitude and as my commission..hahas..although already have loads of scratches on e lens..but I appreciate it..hehe

well..feel like clubbing recently..cant drink..but i feel like drinking to drown my everything else..i wann dance like no one's watching..for i need freedom..i need time..yes..next fri is my last day of ipp..as farewell..my colleagues n i are gg to eat at dunno wad restaurant at Vivo..then we r gg to dragonfly or wad soever to clubb..!!:)

Last day of N e last time I can b OGL..

2007-04-13T15:59:00.000+08:00

12th April 2007
My last day to b OGL..I tried to give me best..I admit I did not..As I was too tired..I wanna join my BM0714..but I just cant leave..cos Veenoth who is e ACTUAL OGL of BM0708 is always missing..therefore I have to stick to my part time class all e time..

My BM0708 almost hit full attendence..nevertheless..Im contented..like of my freshie ZhiYi..she din wann come at all for ytd..she said all was too bored..n games will b too lame..she's cute..cool cos she said im not..-,-lll im too old to b cool man..hahas cos im pretty..lol..anyways..in e morning wen on e way back to sports hall after getting a bao to eat..saw my class people!!I was so happy!!and slowly one by one came in..thou i called two that din pick up..I have no regrets..cos I tried my best to get them to come..its e only time for them to mix n bond with their classmates..if they are not willing..I cant do anything too..

n during one of e wet games..ZhiYi msged me!!wah!!she told me she nv wear black shirt n is on her way down..!!I was so So happy..seriously..I din expect her to come at all..not even 0.1%..and she turn up..perhaps I was too irritating..hee who cares? I jus wann her to have frenz..she's really cute..chatted with her..n..bomb..secrets..(Cecelia n Jahrell knows..)hahas..well its over..just forget about it..

Well I was drenched when i met her..I guess I smelt bad..hahas..cos stupid freshie Jorge n SBM club's Faizal threw water bomb at me..well half wet??then me stupidly anf greedily go fill one BIG BUCKET of water to pour on my freshie..and..!!!!ta da.......!!!!!!he was wet..I was SOAKING WET..cos the pail is too big!!And I do not have enough strength..when I pour at him..pour abit only then e pail turned and poured at myself..(I drank abit as I was laughin at him)hahas..lame..I was like worst than bathin laa..!!n I went to pour Faizal back also..then he came with one pail of water..thats it..i can't b any wetter..!!

Then I came with an idea..since Im soaked..y not saboh more people..cos it doesnt matter le.. so I went to fill a small pail of water..and stand a few steps up n lean against e wall..look down..waiting for JOSIE!!hahas..and splash when she passby..she was wet too..hahas..Aggie in e end also kanna poured by me!!lol..so fun..I tried not to b in e sun..but kanna Saboh..so forget it..then now my hand diff colour..thigh also..!!need time to be abit whiter..act abit redish brown not bad..cute like lobster!!hehe n wads worst??PLAYED a game called telephone live wiree.by popular demand OGL stand in front..hence Chlorine n me did..and both of us got only one correct item..she got lipstick correct..n me..eyelner correct..so I drew her face with eye liner nn she drew my FACE WITH LIPSTICK!!look like monkey's redbutt laa!!sucks..n worst is that it cant b washed laa..in e end people saw me they were like u sunburn till like tt??obviously not!I looked like -----one little two little three little indian..four little five little six litte indian!!!u noe??tsk!!cute laa.nvm..hahas but thank god someone got facial wash saved me by alot!!

I miss clubbing..I miss e beach..e Sunshine..e stars..I wann ton..yes after ipp I wann relax..lol

alrite..back to ytd..err..den wad was I about to say..yupp!!!Mr Freshie of 2007 is CHAN YUAN LONG!!e one I chose!!hahas!!!he won!!!so happy!!see my taste is superb!lol..he is handsome laa..abit mix..lol noe hip hop..one step only??lol..secret huh..and after that..had dinner with freshie n Josie class which is my class..lol..then went to K pool..

Reach home ard..11.35-45pm..then used e net secretly..lol..to check mails..lol..but hotmail like met with some prob ytd nite..ya..in e end managed to log into msn..n chatted with Jahrell till 2plus am...lol..well got loads to chat huh..Thanks for being here for me:) for ur a true fren I can have..4878??find out yourself..or wait till e time comes..im sure u will thank me n wont regret to know it at a later time!!ya My movie Kha ki!!???

4 hours later is 13th April 2007!!

Back to work..woke up late..still with pinkish rosy cheek..lol..yeah..cute..hahas..no laa..but it looks healthier..rather than pale..keke..anyways..today not so bad..doing e work I left off from tues..

Colleague Esther Nai Ma asked me wan go ICE CREAM sales??in e end she cannot make it..lame..but got up to 80% lei..mayb tml..lol..only two days wor..hai..sad sad..alrite..shall blogg tml..Sayo

2007-04-11T21:55:00.000+08:00

Tired..DAmn DamN tired..I need energy..suddenly feel that Im so old..so So olD..!!walked alot of stairs..ran alot..shout alot..and Im lucky to have BM0708 as my class..cos there is one girl that is SUPER HYPER..I jus need to bond with them n make them bond together..so far so good..but bcos they dun have much commitment for e next day..Im so worried that they wont come today..cos today had been a long n tiring n boring day..talks after talks..even I can't take it..hahas..but realli..compared to last yr e AF class I take..OMG!!A billion times better?cos they smile to me at least..hahas

Contented with e things..*pat my own shoulder..I deserve it..I was supposed to be OGL with Josie n Aggie of BM0714..N indeed I still m..but Im part time of BM0708..thats cos one OGL of their class is really irresponsible for not informing anyone that she is not coming..and nv pick up any calls..she is like outa world..lol..anyways..So had to helped BM0708..In the end I m now bonded to BM0708..

Really great to know them..enjoy their companion..esp e first guy I talked to as he is e first to arrived..Yuan Long..he is very friendly..we chatted like frenz..hahas..people were like asking whether I know him..lol..

Well..I deserve a pat on the shoulder..or in fact a lot of pats..hahas..cos my Partner for BM0708 is Veenoth..and I was his OGL last yr..OMG..cant imagine Im partnering with him now..most of the time he is either smoking or over e phone..and I can admit I put in alot more effort into e class compared to him..hahas..but I believe tml he will b much better when he is more SOBER..lol

Yupp..tired..but hope I slim down le..hahas..well..gaming tml..n I think all will enjoy.. :) exhausted..

The day u open up to me

2007-04-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

My day at IPP..today wore a flare skirt..like those that can dance tango..hahas..well received alot of good comments that it look very nice..they were like asking y wear till so pretty today..i jus said cos i need to work..hahas..not link..anyway..wen reading ur mails..i read with tears in my eyes..cos this is the first time u open up to me..with all of ur problems..and finally all come clean..i noe e reason for all this..i do blame myself too for sometimes i dunno how to understand u..but now I do..

Thou I never understand..I tried so hard to let u open up to me..till a extend I wanna try no more..decided that this cant go on..I told myself..u might not need me now..but when u fall..u will realise Im still there to hold n pull u thru..and true enuff..u came..and I just wanna say..regardless of all that happened..Im always here for u..so do be strong n walk on..cos when u can't hold it anymore..i will walk beside u..

Im here to accompany u thru..please do not try to leave this world if u do not wann hurt me or everyone who loves u..alrite?for every problem there is a solution..I believe time heals everything..and thru out this time it's gonna b tough..regardless of wad method u use..I will still lend u my listening ears..alrite?Love ya..hugs..

Once again..thx for opening up..Biggest hug for you..

9th April 2007

2007-04-09T21:50:00.000+08:00

9th April 2007
Ipp!!lolx..Was quite busy today..did a lot of photocopying and cutting..then calling..yes! TEP CSC has put to place..at least I know how to call n talk in a proper way to people..lol planning with my colleague how to celebrate birthday for our dear Nurse..it's quite difficult..cos she dun eat..she is not really afraid of anything..well..we planned to hide in her office..First Im gg to smuggle my colleagues in..hopefully our Associate Director too..Hope she wont fire us..hahas..then HR will b left with no one..lol..after smuggling them into her office..hehe..We are gonna place paper Crocroaches in her cupboard telling her that her present is in there!!a bit kinda lame laa..no choice..lol..

haiyo..i must say my LO really aRghx!!!told him sch allows IPP student to go..he keep saying no la..my frenz are already excused cos they need OGLs..My god..still have to make me call Sahara..den she call ciu yan..then CiuYan call Martin Hung..then turn back call me then I call my LO..he still dun believe..but he ask me to tell my sup first..I was like my sup alread agree..jus need ur confirmation!!!!!hai..wadever..he jus have to wait by the com for the stupid excuse letter..annoying!!

Anyway..my mummy ask me to buy dinner..but I just lost my ATM card..new one is not activated yet..!!then no money to eat..cos I have been surviving on $50 from last week till now..lol..came home..have to b thick skin n asked money from daddy..hai..nvm bought KFC..my last time eating KFC for this few months..Cos Im gg to go on diet after IPP..well someone told me to get rid of fast food first..lol..yes im..after today..lol..

Bad March

2007-04-09T19:57:00.000+08:00

5th March 2007
My grandfather have difficulties breathing..and he really meant it..already bought movie tickets to watch with my parents..Rocky show..hence went to watch..decided to visit my grandfather e next day after my IPP (attachment) which ends at 5pm at TUAS.

6th March 2007
As usual went for IPP..today is a little different cos I had to attend orientations..till late afternoon..I kept checking my hp as I was so bored thru out e orientation..nothing much..cos alot of it I had already read thru in e SOP (standard operational procedure) and tested abit..

I was just looking forward to someone to sms me or to lunch time..well until lunch time..no sms..surprisingly..so went for lunch n prepare to go back for orientation..after lunch..I had a bit of time left so I went back to HR office where my place was..

E moment i open e door I was looking at my hp..and msges came..Msges I nv wanna see..a number of them were jus caller alert from my house and my cousins..and e last msg came..my bro smsed me..the msg wrote:"gong gong gone le"..cos e msg was all about Gs Os Ns..I cldn't n din wan to b sure of it..I know wad it meant..but I just dun believe my eyes..My hands were already trembling..immd called my Mummy..e moment she answered I know she din sound rite..indeed..i asked her:" Mummy..gong gong zhou le ar?" which means my grandfather gone le is it? and she cried..I wanted to choose not to believe..e next moment my vision was blurred..by the tears that I just can't control..I guessed I cried quite loudly..my Supervisor and Colleagues came to me..calmed me..asked me if I need to leave..of course..and smsed n called frenz to cancel all activities for the week..

I called to ask my Dad to fetch me immd..I was so lost..I just can't believe it..why didn't he wait for me..I was supposed to visit him after work..My relatives n Mummy said he tried to wait for everybody to come..but he let go..he waited too long..they couldn't contact me..I went to my uncle house where my grandfather stays..

When I reach..I put down my bag n went in to his room with my cousin..yes..He was lying there breathless..looking up at e ceiling..He could no longer looked at me like how he used to..i touched his hand..so cold n hard like stone..by this time all my relatives are gone to settle e funeral matters..my cousin n aunt n dad were there..then they asked me to tel my grandfather that I m huiping..and I m here already..ask him to go to slp..close his eyes..n rest in peace..I cldn't bring to say so..I just kept crying..So went to calm myself then went in to tell him..

Waited for everyone to come back..then all of us with swollen eyes..packed up my grandfather clothings..and waited for the people to come to bring my grandfather back for make-up..e way they wrap up my grandfather is like as if he is a maniqueen..and all of us proceed to my Eldest Uncle house..

Waited for my grandfather to come back..no one talked..just waited..saw how they dressed my grandfather up..and did e rituals..then put him in e coffin..when they wanted to nail..they asked us all to turn n not to see..I broke down..I knew..for e moment e nail went in..I can nv touch my grandfather again..never..Went home at 7plus 8 to pack my clothings for 4 nights..and waited for my cousin to come n fetch me..

E funeral went on for five days..I stayed thru out..cos I din wan to leave my grandfather at all for his last journey knowing that he is afraid of loneliness..saw people who were never there when my grandfather fell ill..all suddenly appear..cos it's a chance for them to earn money..despise em to e core..f*** up..the nv cared..e last day was 10th March 2007..Everyone was like mad when doing e rituals..it's like they lost their mind..including my Mummy..I had never seen them in such a state before..crying shouting..like nobody's biz..I was so scared..my aunt scream..n hugged me so tight that I din know what to do..I din noe wad more could I do to console them cos I cldn't even console myself..

E people at funeral helped to packed e things..arrange in such a way that it's easier to carry out e rituals..and all of us were crowding ard my grandfather..we kept touching e glass as if we could realli feel him with our bare hands..knowing that hey are going to cover e glass soon..I can't help but kept crying..I will never ever get to see him again..all of us treasure e very last moments we had with him..

rituals went on..as usual..e priest was about to nail e cover of the coffin to e glass..and we are not allowed to see again..I broke down like I never did..shouting for him deep down inside my heart..where can I ever find him or see him again..we were so close..memories flashed back..e time when he brought me for breakfast early in e morning when i was young..e time when i visited him..n when i leave..he will without fail says HOW ARE YOU..HE LOVE ME..HE MISS ME..and I will reply too..even though sometimes he dun noe wad he is saying..but I know he meant it..I always joke to him say we take two days to come to his house..cos I have got no money and need to walk here..then he will scold me..hahas..say that he wan give me money take taxi..of cos I rejected..telling him I was just joking..

Tok!Tok!Tok! There goes my grandfather..I can never ever see him again..e nails when down hitting out HEART hard..went to Mandai..like A very high class place to crement dead people..everything went on..n all of us carried our heavy feet to THAT room where we can see him being sent in to the fire..I was holding my Mum..we were standing in e first row..e machine was moving so slowly..killing us slowly..crying so hard..asking my grandfather to walk faster..when e machine pushed my grandfather to e DOOR OF FIRE..I kneeled to the ground..seeing e fire..knowing he is gone forever..before I left..I said to my grandfather..I WILL ALWAYS LOVE N MISS YOU..and you will always b in my heart..

11th March 2007
Met Josie, Zhen n Del for lunch at BREEKS!!my first time there..not so bad..lolx..before that Jo Zhen n me met up one hour earlier to buy del's present..was supposed to meet del on weekdays to celebrate her birthday..but I cant make it cos my grandfather passed away..Went to IT fair despite e five tiring days..bought a com..was supposed to return my parents money by installment..then a call came to inform my mummy that she striked 4D..a small sum enough to buy one com..

17th March 2007
Wake up at 5am..went to cemetery..watch e digging of my grandmother who was buried 40yrs ago..went on to have breakfast..then collect my grandfather's ashes..there was a queue..we were e first..e person in charged..explaint that my grandfather have pink colour on e bones..which means he did a lot of kind thingy..then went on to collect my grandmother's ashes..collected..went to mandai..placed it at the Columbaria..everything done..went to eat lunch..and rushed home..reached home at 12.45pm..bathed..1pm I was already in my dad's car to work..fast huh??was darn tired by then..

24th March 2007
Early "Qing Ming Jie"..Went to pay respects to my grandfather n grandmother..at last they are together..separated for so many years in two world..as usual..rush back home after lunch to go to work..saturdays had been very tedious for me..

30st March 2007
Was supposed to have a gathering with Sister, Zhen, Del and Sister..Sister rejected in the end..Del could not make it..and Zhen last in fly aeroplane too..so used to them "flying" around..I wonder where they get their wings man..lol..anyway..from wad u can see..act left Jo n me..very bad..supposed to meet Jo ard 5.45..she tried to contact me but cant..cos she called and my phone's tone was like in Malaysia tone..when I reach Jurong Point..called her..she is still at HOME!!OMG..then she rushed down..I bought e tickets first..we smuggled Mac into the theatre watching MUSIC N LYRICS..nice show!!

31st March 2007
Early "Qing Ming Jie" for my grandpa..(my father's father)..after that go home take a shower n went to work..!!look at my saturdays!!always at those kinda places..lol

5th April 2007
Went home after work..tired..falling asleep..9 plus went out with my bro to meet my cousins for a 11.15pm show at Cineleisure..THE NUMBER 23..like story telling story..but kinda like it..unexpected..lol..then my future cousin-in-law sent my younger cousins home first..while waiting my two other cousins n me played Pool..only managed to play two rounds n he's back..went back to their house..played majong..watch a stupid show "BORAT" lame man..R(A) too..hahas..Played Majong till next morning..

6th April 2007 (Good Friday)
My father arrived at 8am to fetch us..we went for "BA CHOR MEE" breakfast..YUMMY!!refreshing!!lol..then..decided to go to the temple..where my grandfather is placed there for 49days where monks can pray for him..my eyes were filled with tears again..looked somewhere else..waited for tears to dry..looked back..tears came again..hahas..i just cant help it..!!Sg Govt is so "Giem Peng" laa..they sent so many traffic police down..the whole stretch of cars got SUMMONED!!Well..have they thought of why people parked there!!!!?????cos they reserved all the carparks around the temple!!Arss doot-----...!!!idiotic..My father parked his taxi like 100blocks away??so damn far la..it was like 20 mins walk there u noe..If not for my grandfather..I wldnt walk such a long distance..cos I wanted to visit him..
Went home ard 10 plus..watched Pursuit of Happiness which I borrowed from my cousin..Fell aslp when watching..waited for time to pass to meet del n Jo n zhen at city hall..slept..switched off e alarm..!!then a msg came..zhen said she cant make it..as usual..then woke up..realise Im damn late..wanted to cancel but Del was already on her way lorr..so rushed down..hahas..at least Im not e latest..Jo was..hahas..walked around..wanted to watch movie..I thot since PH watching movie is very ex..so wont have a lot of people..went there to check the timing..it was so packed laa..lol..and we couldnt decide wad to watch cos of both of the picky girls..anyway I dun wann sit with them if they are gonna scream..lol..decide for long..n last decision is Hong Kong Cafe..My gosh..e desserts are nice laa..somemore we ordered Mango Ice..We were like eating Ice in North Pole la..lol..then went to Raffles as Jo wanted to buy Donut..I thot e queue was short..then Jo say so long..then I was like where got..until I see e line behind..I realised there is A SUPER LONG queue..hahas..I thot they are queuing for the spec's shop sales..chey..blurr me..but was quite scary when she mention that recently there was a murder case at one of the restaurant..went to my house..intro MY GIRL drama to them..!!they love it too..thou they looked blurr..but I could see that they were enjoying it laa..lol girls..thanks for ur company :) ultimately it's us from pt3..

*Cherish*-*Treasures*-*Hope*-*Love*